The Pros and Cons of Losing Fox Channels from Your Cable
Posted on December 30, 2009
If News Corp. and Time Warner can’t resolve their spat by tomorrow, Fox is pulling all of its channels from the cable system. Hmm… Is losing American Idol worth never having to see Glenn Beck again?
Fox is trying to get $1 per month per subscriber from Time Warner to carry their broadcast network (cable companies currently retransmit broadcast stations for free) and the cable provider doesn’t want to pay that much for their more than 8 million subscribers. They have countered with 30 cents per subscriber. The deadline for negotiations is December 31, and if a deal isn’t reached, all the Fox channels from your Time Warner Cable service.
In an internal memo, News Corp (which owns Fox, of course) President and COO Chase Carey writes, “At this time, it looks like we will not reach an agreement and our channels may very well go off the air in Time Warner Cable systems at midnight tomorrow, December 31.”
That sounds awesome! No more Fox News, even if you want it! No more Fox Business Channel, which no one wants. No big deal, right? We’re trying to make the best of this situation, so here are some pros and cons of what would happen in a world without Fox:
PRO: We would never have to look at Peter Griffin’s fat face on Family Guy ever again.
CON: We will gouge our own eyes out if we don’t get to see Sue Motherfucking Sylvester on Glee.
PRO: Finally, we won’t have to watch the 11 millionth season of nip/tuck, which jumped the shark 10.5 million seasons ago.
CON: Damages was just getting good!
PRO: We won’t have to bother to learn what Fuel even is.
CON: What if the next Jersey Shore is on Fuel? Oh man, we gotta get Fuel, even if it sounds like a shitty rip off of Red Bull rather than a cable channel.
PRO: Fox Sports en Español won’t make us feel bad for forgetting all our high school Spanish.
CON: We actually kinda like footie (and all the players!) so seeing the Fox Soccer Channel go would blow.
PRO: No more stupid dramas and crappy reality shows on Fox.
CON: We’ll have to watch even more CW than we already do, which might cause us to commit suicide or think that we’re actually living inside a Gossip Girl episode.
PRO: We won’t be lining Rupert Murdoch’s pockets with cash.
CON: We will be nothing if we can’t make fun of American Idol. Give us our fucking Fox, bitches!
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